What a Difference a Year Makes!

Last week my granddaughter became a big one year old. Overnight. She has teeth- this child is serious about cutting teeth. She has 3 coming in at once. This does not make for a jolly birthday girl. Well, that's not exactly true, as she was pretty grinny and excited most of the day. She did a lovely job of destroying her cake, and spent a good amount of time playing with her new toys. The day after her birthday was MY birthday! We had booked a photographer, and went to an outdoor location for her pictures that evening, hoping to beat the Kansas heat. We tried. We failed, but she did a great job anyway! We are anxiously awaiting proofs of the almost 2 hour shoot. I documented the moment- her very first professional photographer experience- with my camera also!
There were many times that someone said something along the lines of, " a year ago we..." When she arrived, finally after Mom laboring for nearly 24 hours (!), we all fell in love immediately. I thought I'd never feel a stronger bond than I did at that moment, but I was wrong. Every time I am lucky enough to spend time with her, I fall a little deeper. She is the most perfect blend of her Mommy and Daddy. It's difficult to explain, but it's hard to be unhappy with such a little spark plug of joy in my life. We are all very lucky that she is doing so well. We know it.

Stages of King Cake

The dough phase-

After making the dough and letting it rest a bit, it is rolled out and THEN-

you put a filling inside and roll it up.

The I hope it rises phase

The dough is turned into an oval, or a circle if you have a wide enough cookie sheet. Again, it is allowed to rest and hopefully rise before it is baked.

The finished product

The King Cake is completed only when it is basically buried under frosting and colored sprinkles.

These are the colors of Mardi Gras.

This is my first ever attempt at a King Cake, and it's actually going to a crawfish boil tomorrow, so I hope it's good. It smells pretty fantastic. The part you can't see, is a little tiny plastic baby hidden in the cake. Tradition as I am told, is that the one who finds the baby provides the cake the following year. I found the baby last year, and vowed that I would make a cake this year for the party. So, there it is- ready to go. All I need now, are my beads, and I am set for Crawfish Boil 2011. 

It Takes a Special man to be called, "Daddy".

My father passed away very quietly a year ago today. My mother, cousin, son, and I were all there. It's taken the better part of a year for me to internalize that he is gone. His physical decent was so slow, that at times it was hard to realize all that he had lost. First a cane, then a walker, then a wheelchair, and finally, requiring another person to put him in and take him out of the wheelchair. I saw him Tuesday of the week he died, sitting  in the cafeteria. He offered my dog, Melly, a bite of his lunch. Forever ornery. He had been moved to the assisted side of the cafeteria a few months earlier. That was hard to grasp. Looking back on everything now, it seems so obvious that he was fading away before my eyes, but that Tuesday to me, was just like any other visit I had made over the last year. I had a care plan meeting, and brought Melly to visit with Dad, and all the other residents. She had become quite a favorite for a lot of them. I wonder now, if they miss seeing her. I suspect they do. Dad was in a care facility, with his 2 older brothers, one next door to him, and one across the hall. They are all gone now, actually within about 6 weeks of each other. At first, they got together and played dominoes. But Dad became less able to do even that as time went on, and eventually, they gave up. One visit earlier, on a Sunday, people were having a service down the hall, and were playing a song that was one of my Dad's favorites. I sang along, and Dad grinned his normal grin. It was one of the songs my cousin sang at his funeral. It seemed obvious to choose it.
I believe I will miss him every day of my life from now on. Some days are really difficult, but others, I am glad for him that he is not suffering, and feeling frustrated and useless. Most of the time though, I am sad that he isn't part of everything that has happened since Feb. 11, 2010. I can imagine him watching his Granddaughter caring for her own baby. He would be so proud of her and her little girl, and his eyes would sparkle at her middle name.
I've heard other people talk about how hard it is to "get over" the loss of a parent. I for one, will not. I don't intend to get over it. Get through it, I did already. Move on from it, I'm still doing all the time. I don't expect to get over it. I expect to miss him, just as I have been, forever.
It takes a special man to be called Daddy, and I was fortunate to have a Daddy in my life.

Our front door--enter at your own risk!

Winter is here....again!

2011---Time flies!

We have landed square into 2011. It seems time is moving faster to me. There have been days in my life that I felt would never end, and now- an entire year has just blown by. It was a very tough year, but it still seemed to move too fast for me at times.
For instance, my Granddaughter will be 6 months old this week. Yes, half a year old already!! Augh!
My hubby received tenure this year, and it seems as if we just got here a week ago!! (that's a good thing- better than the other way around!!)
Reflecting on the previous year is typical for me when the new one rolls around, and since I had a few days on my own in our Kansas home, I spent some time in thought.
Ultimately, I am very happy with my life and where I am right now. I can say that about the rest of the family as well. That hasn't always been the case! That's not to say that everything is just perfect, but-it feels as if it's on the right track. There are certainly still concerns with my Mother, and the economy and job market is pretty frightening. It's difficult to explain, but I think it's an internal settling. Like, I feel balanced, and prepared for the future.
Watching my daughter with her baby girl reminds me of when she was a baby, and how some days just seemed to be an endless array of messes. I remember thinking to myself back then, that I really needed to enjoy her babyhood, because I knew it would go by quickly, and each little developmental milestone would come and go so quickly, but when you are in the midst of the diapers and the night feedings and the laundry, etc. it's pretty hard to soak it all in. I am so thankful that my daughter seems to be able to sit back and enjoy her daughter. I know that I'm really mistaken when I think that Kahlan is the most perfect, most beautiful baby in the world. I know that other Grandmas would disagree with my assessment. To me, she is those things and many more. She is also a confirmation that we will continue. My Dad is gone and that is very tough sometimes, but I took a picture of Kahlan at Christmas time, and she has that twinkle in her eye, and I couldn't help but think- there it is. There we are.
We are heading into 2011, and so many changes for everyone I'm sure. I hope that this year will be a positive one for everyone. I choose to believe that it will.

November 8

This date marks an anniversary in my life. I have chosen to acknowledge it by writing a letter describing family events for the year.
 Dear Kathy,
First- I really wish you were still here with us. So much has happened.

To begin 2010, we lost U. Cecil, followed closely by my Father. Less than 2 weeks later, U. Marion went also. It's almost as if they left the door open for him. They aren't the only ones who walked through the door though, and I know one of the most confusing yet comforting was your Mother. She is buried next to you, and all I could think of at her burial, was that now you and your Mom can be together. She wanted that, you know? That is why her funeral wasn't so tough for me. My daughter- your namesake- says I stonewalled at Dad's funeral. I think she's right. I think I didn't want to feel, so I just didn't. We know where I learned that skill, right? Speaking of Kathy- She and Scott had a baby girl. She had some trouble getting here, and had to really show her strength and stubbornness at a young age, like less than a day old, but she did it. Her name is Kahlan Rose. Yeah, I know. Not only did I do what you and I always said we'd do, but so did my daughter. Pretty neat, huh?  Kahlan is gorgeous. I have no doubt that she is the most beautiful baby girl ever born. It's hard to put into words, but she fills all those spaces that are empty. Anyway, I wish you could see her. I wish you could see me with her. I'm not convinced that you don't. I am a Grandma!!! Wild.
Patrick is working and in his second semester, seeking a second degree. He seems to be doing really well, and is more like his old self all the time. He was living with us until this summer. Oh! That's also big news- we decided to buy the house in Oklahoma. We payed it off in full last month! It's a big decision, because it wipes out pretty much all the retirement savings we had, but it makes economic sense. It's also made a change in the way we feel about living here, I think. I will always love my house in Kansas, and I will always want to end up there, but this place is fine. It feels good here too, you know? I enjoy the area, the campus is gorgeous, the students are great.....etc. I feel like you are rolling your eyes less at me all the time!  ;)  Keith and I had a really nice anniversary trip this year, going into Missouri and Arkansas. We stayed in a Yurt (!) in a really bad storm- which was not so great, but the mountain top was. We also finally took that trip to Vegas that Keith has wanted to make for SO long. It was also fun- surprisingly- for both of us!! Of course, the best part of all this, is that I had someone to share it with. I am lucky, and I know it--
I guess that covers the main big news. I'll miss you always.

November? Really?!

Well! October certainly flew by for me.  We had a wonderful visit with daughter and family. I have multiple photos to prove it. We are looking forward to having everyone together again for Thanksgiving here in Oklahoma. It's Kahlan's first everything, so it's automatically special. There is always a certain decision making process involved with the holiday planning for us. We own two houses- one in Oklahoma and one in Kansas. On a side note, when I say,"own", I actually mean it! We paid off the Oklahoma house last month!! Yippee!
Back to holidays- because we have two places in two states, there is a bit of figuring, plotting, and planing to be made. AND- since we've had a marriage, there is also another entire family to negotiate with as well. We have always done Thanksgiving at the home in Kansas, until last year, when half of us went to the 'other side' for that holiday. We had a very nice day here in Oklahoma, and are going to repeat the process this year- with the exception of having more help in the kitchen!
Happily, my Mom has two options for Thanksgiving that don't involve her riding in a car for a 7 hour round trip. I brought her down once for our Christmas show, and while I think she enjoyed the show, the trip was tiring, and being some place besides her home was difficult for her. I'm really thankful that there are other things she can participate in that don't involve her leaving her home. She has begun to live in a kind of alternate reality, I think. She has sort of rewound the clock to a time when all her loved ones were still alive. That works out fine for her, until I show up with a grandbaby! Then she has some confusion when she actually thinks about it. It's really tough to explain, because she has always sort of ignored things that are painful for her, so this behavior isn't new- and not really related to age, etc. It's a self-preservation thing I believe. I know that Christmas and their anniversary will be difficult for her, if she allows herself to recognize it. Time will tell how that works out.
In the meantime, I am helping with some costumes for Opera Scenes, and taking photos for promotions for the School of Music this week. We are heading into a season of concerts, etc. and lots of excitement. Among all this, I get to celebrate with a new Grandbaby! We have so much to be thankful for!